remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
