Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Randomize
