I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
