I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
