I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
