it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
