i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
