I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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