His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
