Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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