i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
