...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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