you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
