Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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