I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
