Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
