I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
