Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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