Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
