I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
