did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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