My room smells like vodka and shame
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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