my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
