I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
