we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
