I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
