oh god the rape fog is back!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
