Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
