We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Couch. On fire.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
