I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
