Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
