Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
