just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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