Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
