You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
