I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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