I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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