I'm jealous of your bromance
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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