she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
