watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
