Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
