Got a toothbrush?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
