isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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