it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
