I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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