next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
