Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you never un-have a 4some
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
