I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and she was petting her beer can
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
