Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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