Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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