you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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