wake up i wanna do it froggy style
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
