My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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