Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
