I am puke
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
