throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
